and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
