I just made out with a guy for $7.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
