Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
