i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
