Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
