did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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