The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
