Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize