look no pants
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
they're like a gay fantastic four
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
