I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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