did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
