The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
