in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize