My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
