Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
