I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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