she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize