Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
