i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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