Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize