the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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