she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
