Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
