eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
