guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
