My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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