Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
