Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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