I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
