I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Do you remember whose house we're in?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
