dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize