After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
