bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
