I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
