I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
