What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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