We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
