We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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