Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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