i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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