help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We have started to decorate penises.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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