I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
