i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
How external is "for external use only"?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
