I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
