I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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