My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
