They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
