I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
