i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
