on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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