I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
