Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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