I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
