This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
