sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
