Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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