Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize