I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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