So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
