Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
