Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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