i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
