we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
If I die, sorry about rent.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
