I accidentally burped into my bong.
we're making bets on your personal life
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
where are my pants?
in the oven.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
