Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
