Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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