Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
