why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You are the jesus of drinking
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
