the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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