i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
