To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
