Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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