Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
