I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
